I’m baaaaaaack.
With it somehow being the worst (no college football games) and best (March Madness, The NFL Draft, Stanley Cup Playoffs, MLB Opening Day, and NBA Playoffs) time of year, I found myself yearning for my beloved college football. As my mind wonders about this beautiful artistic masterpiece that we call sport, I come to a thought, as many college football patrons do this time of year, who are the best programs and which conference truly is the best? Well, lucky for you (if the data collection proves your team to be better than that of your rival’s or your twitter foe), I’m a degenerate and loves to collect nerdy data and write transcript about said data.
To show the top programs of college football, I used game performances from the past decade (2013 – 2022). Now, I know this isn’t perfect, but I feel like a decade tells a lot about a program – it removes outliers of teams that had a year or two of success (think LSU) and it also paints a picture of teams that have been able to have long term, consistent success. I also had to come up with a point system to give weight to the games that were being won, so let’s jump into that.
Non-Group of 5 Win = 0.25pt – This will be your D1-AA teams that you have no business losing to or allowing to stay close. Everyone in the stands should get a snap, but hey, you won, so you should be rewarded right?
Group of 5 Win = 0.5pt – These are the non-Power 5 D1 teams that you shouldn’t lose to. However, these teams will sneak up on you like a solid stomach growl in a quiet meeting room (don’t worry, we all know it wasn’t a fart…). You should be compensated more than non-group of 5 team, but you know you don’t deserve a crisp, clean, whole point.
Power 5 Win (and Notre Dame…JOIN A CONFERENCE) = 1pt – This makes up the majority of Power 5 teams’ schedules, your peers if you will. Not every Power 5 program is created equally (as you’ll see in the results) but these schools have the resources to compete and therefore 1 pt is granted for winning.
Conference Championship Loss = 10pts – Here’s where people will start yelling “socialism!” Yes, I am rewarding a loss – you made it to the top of you conference and competed to hold that title. Regardless of outcome, you should be compensated for being the one of the top dogs in your league.
Conference Championship Win = 50pts – This one is pretty easy, you’re the best of your respective league, so you should get a hefty number of points. Spoiler alert, you get more points for winning this than a bowl game, as most bowl games are not of the quality of a Power 5 conference championship game.
Bowl Win = 25pts – Yay you won the Boca Raton Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Bowl! Here’s 25 pts, don’t spend em all in one place.
New Year’s 6 Bowl Loss = 15pts – These are the historic bowl games that used to be played exclusively on New Year’s Day (hence the name). If you’re playing in one of these games, you’re either a conference champion that wasn’t good enough to make the Playoff, or you were the second-best team in your conference. These games are tough to get into, so losing still grants you a decent award.
New Year’s 6 Bowl Win = 75pts – See the previous comment. You’re the red-headed step child of the playoff, but by golly you can puff your chest out and stand on your tippy toes for the class picture at the end of the year. In all seriousness, these bowl games are a big deal and deserve to be compensated accordingly.
Playoff Loss = 20pts – You made it! They thought you were one of the top 4 teams in the country and besides your fanbase and the other three that made it, the teams below you have a plethora of reasons why they should’ve been in and not you…kinda like the prom date you shouldn’t have gotten, but you told a pretty funny joke in Mrs. McGillicuddy’s class so she decided to give you a shot. You’re peers are pissed, but you’re not worried about it as you’re the one at the dance. Losing this should be compensated slightly more than a New Year’s 6 loss.
Playoff Win = 100pts – You just won a big-time game, but no one will be happy unless you win the next one…trust me.
National Championship Loss = 30pts – There are no consolation prizes for this in real life, but in my article by George you’ll be compensated for your injuries…dial all 9’s and wait for a lawyer who has your best interest to answer. Big time games bring big time awards, even for the loser.
National Championship Win = 200pts – You’re the best of the best and you proved it. You should be compensated like a king. You will always be able to point to your ring finger and tell your uncle-cousin (family trees are weird right?) that your team is better than his. This time-study should reflect a bias towards national champs, and with this amount of earnings, I think it does.
Now, for the fun part! Enjoy!
If you’re still reading this – God bless you. Your act of taking the time to read my ramblings and scattered thoughts are beyond humanly kindness, so thank you!
