Moose’s Week 0 Predictions


(13) Notre Dame vs Navy *in Dublin, Ireland

This will be the strongest Navy the UK has seen since the Spanish Armada, but it won’t be enough to sink the Fighting Irish at their namesake state of Ireland. Anticipate Sam Hartman and his teammates to start strong, igniting the flow of Guinness akin to the River Shannon.

(13) Notre Dame 42 Navy 17

UTEP at Jacksonville St.

I was today years old when I found out that Jacksonville State is located in Alabama and not Florida – punish me as you seem fit. These Gamecocks and Miners (don’t make the joke people…too soon and too far) are evenly matched according to Vegas, so I will do what I do best – throw logic out the window and do what Cher advised us all to do, listen to my heart.

Jacksonville St. 28 UTEP 24

UMass at New Mexico St.

Minutemen never had to travel as far west as New Mexico St, but these rowdy volunteers will answer the call to this task. UMass will be under the guidance of former Clemson and Georgia Tech QB Taisun Phommachanh, alongside second-year head coach Don Brown. These Minutemen are poised to emerge victorious against the Aggies of New Mexico State.

UMass 28 NM St. 18

Ohio at San Diego St.

MACtion collides with the Mountain West (the supposed new Pac-12??). Ohio and the Maple Missile (or as the government identifies him, Kurtis Rourke) are set to journey to Aztec territory. Despite Rourke’s recent setback from a crippling ACL injury, I anticipate his return to the field, geared up and determined to propel the Bobcats towards clinching their initial MAC title since ’68 (even though it feels like ’68). Anticipate the Ohio offense to begin somewhat sluggish but find its rhythm in the latter half.

Ohio 31 SD St. 27

Hawaii at Vanderbilt

Aloha, Nashville! The Hawaiian team has landed, and it’s not for a bachelorette party but for a football showdown. Last year, Hawaii welcomed Vanderbilt to their turf, but the Commodores weren’t the most gracious guests, trouncing the Rainbow Warriors 63-10. Look for Hawaii to come out strong and turn around from last year’s embarrassment…only losing by 35 this time.

Vanderbilt 49 Hawaii 14

San Jose St. at (6) USC

The Trojans and Spartans have engaged in one of history’s most storied conflicts. Nevertheless, unlike the ancient tale, the Trojans will enter the scene not bearing a wooden horse as a gift, but armed with a high-octane offense spearheaded by last year’s Heisman recipient, Caleb Williams. They are poised to overwhelm these contemporary Spartans.

(6) USC 56 SJ St. 24

FIU at Louisiana Tech

Cats vs dogs, a rivalry as old as time. The FIU Panthers and the La Tech Bulldogs take center stage on our screens during this splendid opening week of the 2023 college football season. While the casual fan might opt to skip this game, fear not, as I’ll be firmly stationed on the couch, finger idly resting in my belly button, valiantly dedicated to the television. Louisiana Tech, under the guidance of coach Sonny Cumbie, is primed to avenge last year’s defeat.

LA Tech 41 FIU 40

I hope you enjoy my highly genius, expertised picks (is that a word?) and feel free to agree with me emphatically on X (formally known as twitter) @walkonmoose. Thank you as always!


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